Workplace Jokes
A boss comes in early to work one morning to find one of his managers in his office kissing and fondling his secretary. The boss shouts, "Is this what I pay you for?"
To which the manager replied, "No, sir, this I'm doing for free."
A boss asks his secretary one morning, "Jane, do you know the difference between a Caesar salad and a blow job?"
The puzzled secretary replies, "No."
"Great! Let's have lunch sometime."
A young executive was preparing to leave the office late one evening. He sees the CEO standing in front of a shredder, holding a piece of paper in his hands and looking a little confused.
"Can I help you, sir?" the young man asks.
The CEO nods. "This is a very sensitive and important document. My secretary has left already. Can you get this thing to work?"
"Yes sir, I certainly can ," the young man eagerly replies. He turns on the shredder, takes the paper from the CEO, and inserts it into the machine.
"Excellent, thank you!" the CEO says as the paper disappears. "Now, I just need one copy...."
A manager in a Chicago office notices that one of his workers, an avid Cubs fan, has been conisistently absent in the afternoons once the baseball season has started. Finally, the manager calls the guy into his office.
"Bob," he says, "I can't help but notice that every time the Cubs have a day game at Wrigley, you seem to have to take your aunt to the doctor."
Bob replies, "You know something, boss, I hadn't thought about it, but you may be onto something here. You don't suppose she's faking it, do you?"
Three construction workers on a high-rise building are taking their lunch break on the girders about 40 stories up. The first one says, "I'm telling you, guys, every day, it's a chicken salad sandwich. I'm sick of it. If I open my lunchbox and find a chicken salad sandwich in there, I swear I'm gonna jump."
The second one nods, looking at his own lunchbox. "You know, I've been getting tuna salad sandwiches every day, and I don't even like tuna salad that much. If I've got a tuna salad sandwich in my lunchbox today, I'm gonna jump, too."
The third one agrees. "Yeah, I've been eating egg salad sandwiches since I can remember. If it's egg salad today, I'm gonna jump with the both of you."
Sure enough, the first worker opens his lunchbox and pulls out a chicken salad sandwich. He stands up and jumps off the building. The second guy pulls out a tuna salad sandwich from his lunchbox. He tosses it away and jumps. Finally, the third man opens his lunchbox, takes one look at the egg salad sandwich and jumps after them.
A few days later, all the men's wives are at the funeral, obviously distraught and struggling to come to terms with what's happened. The wife of the first man cries to her friends, "I don't understand...all he had to do was tell me to make something else!"
The wife of the second man bursts into tears, saying, "I don't understand...all he had to do was tell me he didn't like tuna salad!"
And the third wife sobs and says, "I just don't understand...he always made his own lunches!"