Miscellaneous Jokes
A guy walks into a bar, orders twelve shots, and starts downing them as fast as he can.
The bartender asks, "Why are you drinking those so fast?"
The guy says, "You'd be drinking fast too, if you had what I had."
"Why, what do you have?"
"75 cents."
A guy sits down at a local diner for breakfast. When the waiter comes over, the man says, "Okay, I'd like two eggs scrambled, undercooked with bits of shells left in them. I'd also like a side of bacon burnt to a crisp with a side of hash browns, still frozen. Oh, and a lukewarm pot of weak coffee. Can you handle that?"
The confused waiter says, "Sir, I'm not sure we can make that for you."
"Really?" the guy replies. "That's what you served me yesterday!"
Loretta gets hired at the local toy factory, where they manufacture Tickle Me Elmo dolls. She reports for her first day, and the shift manager shows her around, introduces her, and walks her through what she'll be doing.
That afternoon, one of the line supervisors comes into his office complaining about the new hire. "She's slow, she's backing up the whole line, and she's throwing everything off schedule! You better have a talk with her."
The manager follows him onto the floor. Sure enough, the line is so backed up that there are dolls all over the factory floor. There, at the end of the line, Loretta is sitting down with a roll of red velvet and a bag of marbles. As the manager looks on, Loretta cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around a couple of marbles, and starts sewing the little package between Elmo's legs.
"No, Loretta!" the manager calls out, "I said you needed to give each Elmo two test tickles!"
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, "You should've been here at 8:30!"
The guy replies, "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
A young woman is sitting on the bus holding her baby when a drunk staggers aboard. Stopping in front of her, he looks down and says, "Lady, that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen."
The woman bursts into tears, and the other passengers are so outraged that they kick the drunk off the bus at the next stop. But the woman keeps on sobbing and wailing so loudly that the driver finally pulls the bus over.
"Look, I don't know what that bum said to you," the driver tells her, "but I can't stand to see a lady bawling like that. I'm going to get you a cup of tea to help settle you down." And off he goes, returning with a styrofoam cup and a small bag from the corner shop.
"Now just try to calm down," the driver says. "Everything is going to be okay. Here's a cup of nice, hot tea for you, and I even brought a banana for your pet monkey."
Two men accused of spying are facing the firing squad. When the prison commandant finishes blindfolding the two of them, he asks, "Do either of you have any last requests? Would you care for cigarettes?"
The first prisoner spits in the direction of the commandant's voice and growls, "Keep your damned cigarettes, you son of a bitch! I'll take nothing from a dog the likes of you!"
Hearing that, the second prisoner nudges the first and whispers, "Psst! Bill, don't make trouble."
Two cannibals are having dinner together. The guest says to his host, "Your wife sure makes great soup."
The host replies, "Yeah, but I'm really going to miss her."
Two cannibals are having dinner together. The first cannibal says, "You know, I really hate my mother-in-law."
The second one replies, "That's okay; just eat the rice."
Two cannibals are having dinner together. One starts at the head and one starts at the feet. The first cannibal asks, "This is delicious; how are you doing?"
The second one replies, "I'm having a ball!"
The first one says, "Wow, you eat fast...."
Two cannibals are having dinner together, eating a clown. The first cannibal asks the second one, "Does this taste funny to you?"
A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a Scotsman all order drinks at the same bar. As they start to drink, all three find flies in their glasses.
The Frenchman angrily summons the bartender and demands a new drink.
The Englishman quietly plucks the fly from his glass and downs his drink.
And the Scotsman holds the fly by its wings over his glass, furiously yelling, "Spit it out! Spit it out!"
The world's first fully computerized airliner is ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew. The plane taxies from a hanger to the gate, pulls up, and opens the door automatically. The passengers board the plane and take their seats.
Once the passengers have all boarded, the doors close, and the airplane begins to taxi toward the runway.
As the plane sits at the end of the runway revving its engines, a voice comes over the intercom. "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen," the computerized voice intones. "We'll be in the air and on our way shortly. Just sit back and relax. Nothing can go wrong ...nothing can go wrong...nothing can go wrong...."
A guy calls his friend in Texas to congratulate him on his newborn son. "And how is the new arrival?"
"Doing just great!" the Texan replies. "Came out at 20 pounds!"
"20 pounds? Isn't that pretty big for a newborn?"
His friend laughs and says, "Shoot, pal, everything's bigger down in Texas, don't you know?"
A month later, the guy calls Texas again to catch up on things. "So, how's your baby boy these days?" he asks.
"Couldn't be finer! He's 10 pounds and healthy as a horse!" the Texan replies.
"10 pounds? Wasn't he 20 pounds last month?"
"Well, after the circumcision...."
A young man calls directory assistance. "Hello, operator? I'd like the telephone number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona."
"There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix," the operator replies. "Do you have a street name?"
The young man hesitates, and then says, "Well, some people call me 'Ice Man'."
A first grade teacher is reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. When she gets to the part where Chicken Little tries to warn the farmer, and says, "...so Chicken Little went to the farmer and cried, 'The sky is falling! The sky is falling!' Now, class, what do you think that farmer said?"
A little girl raises her hand and says, "Ooh, teacher, I think he said, 'Holy shit! A talking chicken!'"
Bob is a city slicker who decides to vacation at a dude ranch in Texas. On the first day, the owner is showing him around the ranch.
"This," he says, showing Bob a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows."
"I see," Bob, replies, examining the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are out riding one day when they find themselves surrounded by a horde of Apaches, hopelessly outgunned and unable to escape.
The Lone Ranger says, "Tonto, what are we going to do?"
As Tonto starts trotting toward the Apache, he replies, "What do you mean 'we,' paleface?"
Bob and Ralph go out hiking through the woods one morning. While taking a rest break, Bob stops behind a tree to relieve himself. As he does, he startles a rattlesnake, which bites him squarely on his penis. When Ralph hears Bob scream, he comes running.
"Oh my God," Bob says. "You gotta call 911!"
Ralph whips out his cell phone and dials. When the dispatcher picks up, he says,"I've got an emergency on my hands! My friend just got bitten by a rattlesnake! What can we do?"
"Just take it easy, sir," the dispatcher replies. "You need to make two small incisions over the bite mark and suck out the poison."
"I see," Ralph replies, hanging up.
"What did they say?" Bob asks.
"He said you're gonna die, man."
A door-to-door salesman knocks on the front door of a large house. A 13-year-old boy opens the door. He's got a cigar in his mouth and he's holding a half-empty bottle of scotch.
The salesman asks, "Excuse me, young man, but are your parents in?"
The boy replies, "Does it fucking look like it?"
A guy sitting at a bar tries to strike up a conversation with the bartender. "You know what's wrong with those goofballs in Congress?"
"Hey, pal," the bartender says, "I don't allow talk about politics in my bar."
"Oh, okay," the guy replies. "You know, what's with this Pope?"
"No religion talk, either, pal."
"All right. Man, did you catch the Cubs game last night?"
"Buddy, no sports talk allowed, either. That's how most fights start in bars."
Frustrated, the guy asks, "Look, how about sex? Is it okay to talk about sex in here?"
"Sure, that we can talk about."
"Great," the guy replies. "Go fuck yourself."
A guy meets his friend at the local bar. "Hey, pal," he says, "Can I borrow some money from you? I got scammed at the mall last week and lost my wallet."
"Sure. What happened?"
"Man, they were good. I pull into the parking lot, and these two hot chicks come up to the car asking me if I can give them a ride to the bus station. So I say sure and let 'em in. They're in the back seat, right, and we're driving, and all of a sudden, they start making out in the back seat!"
"Yeah?" his friend asks.
"No shit. And it's getting pretty hot and heavy back there, and then one of says to pull over, and she starts going down on me right there!"
"Come on," his friend says.
"No, straight up. And while she's doing that, her girlfriend is lifting my wallet. I didn't even notice until I got home after dropping them off."
"That's terrible!"
"You're telling me. They got me Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, but I couldn't find them Saturday or Sunday. Be careful, dude."
A big storm hits O'Hare, and flights all across the board get canceled. Passengers are lined up everywhere to rebook their flights. One particularly irate passenger pushes his way through the line to reach the ticket counter.
He slaps his ticket down on the counter and says, "I've got a first-class ticket here, and I expect to get another first-class seat on a flight out of here right now!"
The ticket agent, a young woman, smiles and replies, "I'm sorry, sir, and I'll be happy to help you, but there are a lot of people ahead of you that I have to help first. If you'll just wait in line—"
"I don't want to wait in line, miss! Fuck you!"
Without batting an eye, the agent smiles again and says, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to wait in line for that, too."
The admiral's flagship carrier is sailing the seas one night when the lookout on the bridge reports a light on the ocean dead ahead ten miles out. The carrier is headed right for it. The admiral alerts the radioman to send a signal to the oncoming vessel.
"Change your course fifteen degrees west."
The reply comes back over the radio, "Change your course fifteen degrees east."
The admiral grabs the transmitter from the radioman and says, "I am an admiral in this navy, sailor. Change your course."
"I'm a seaman second class, admiral, and you guys had better change your course," came the reply.
Outraged, the admiral fires back, "Sailor, my ship is a nuclear carrier, and you had best get the hell out of her way."
"Suit yourself, admiral," returns the reply. "This is a lighthouse."
A young boy is playing with his new electric train set in the living room. His mother is in the kitchen when she hears the train stop and her son yell out, "All right, last stop. All you sons of bitches that want off, get the hell off right now! Everybody at the station, get your asses on board right now!"
His mother storms into the living room. "Junior! We do not use that kind of language in this house. You go to your room and stay there until you can play without using that potty mouth!"
"Okay, mom," the kid glumly replies. Two hours later, he comes back out. "I'm sorry, mom. Can I please play with my train again?"
"That's fine, son, but remember what I said."
She goes back into the kitchen and hears him playing again in the living room. This time when the train stops, she hears him say, "Attention passengers, this is the last stop. Please leave the train now, and remember to take all your belongings with you. For those of you who are just boarding, we'll be leaving shortly. Thanks for riding with us today."
The mother smiles until she hears the boy add, "And for those of you pissed off about the two-hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."
The President wakes up one snowy winter morning, looks out his bedroom window, and sees that someone has peed a message into the fresh snow below: "The President sucks."
Furious, the President summons the Secret Service, the FBI, and the CIA to his office. "I want to know who did this, ASAP!"
That evening, the head of the Secret Service comes to the Oval Office. "Mister President," he says, "I have some extremely troubling news to report. Tests have confirmed that it's definitely the Vice President's urine. But sir, I regret to inform you that our experts have also identified the First Lady's handwriting."
A man is sitting on a bench in the park when a kid sits down on the bench across from him. The kid pulls out one candy bar after another, eating them in rapid succession.
The man calls over to the kid, "Son, you know that eating that many candy bars is bad for you? You're going to get fat and rot your teeth out."
The kid looks over and says, "Yeah, well my grandpa lived to be 107 years old."
"Did he eat candy bars like that?"
"No," the kid replies, "he minded his own fuckin' business."
A man walks out of a bar and sees a bum panhandling on the corner. The bum says, "Mister, can you spare a dollar?"
The man thinks a minute. Then he asks the bum, "If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it to buy liquor?"
"No," says the bum.
The man then asks, "If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it for gambling?"
Again the bum says, "No."
So the man says to the bum, "Do you mind coming home with me so I can show my wife what happens to someone who doesn't drink or gamble?"
Old Mrs. dePaola goes into an ice cream parlor. She walks up to Luigi. who's tending the counter, and says, "I'd like some chocolate ice cream, please."
"Sono spiacente, Mrs. dePaola," says Luigi, "but we're all outta da chocolate."
"Oh," she replies. "In that case I'll have some chocolate."
So Luigi says, "No, Mrs. dePaola, you don't understand. We don't have-a no more chocolate."
"Oh," she says, "then I'll just have chocolate."
Luigi shakes his head and says, "Hey, Mrs. dePaola, whatta you got when you take-a da 'straw' outta strawberry?"
Mrs. dePaola replies, "Berry?"
"Yeah. Now, whatta you got when you take-a da 'scotch' outta butterscotch?"
"Butter?"
"Buon per voi," says Luigi. "So whatta you got when you take-a da 'fuck' outta 'chocolate?'"
Mrs. dePaola looks confused for a moment and says, "There's no 'fuck' in chocolate."
"Attsa what I'm trying to tell you!"
A man writes a short story and submits it to Reader's Digest. Three months go by, and the man receives a reply from the editor that reads, "Dear Mr. Smith, thank you for your manuscript submission to Reader's Digest. The writing is very good; however, we don't feel that your story, I Fucked a Gazelle, reflects the taste of our readership. Please consider revising and resubmitting your story."
So the man went back to work at his typewriter. After working on a second draft for a few weeks, the man submits the story again. Another three months passes. This time, he gets a larger package in return with another letter from the editor, which reads, "Dear Mr. Smith, thank you for taking our constructive criticism and revising your story. We feel, however, that I Fucked a Gazelle for the FBI still does not accurately reflect the taste of our particular audience. I've included a few samples of Reader's Digest for your perusal; this may give you a better insight into how to write for our readership. Please consider further revisions before resubmitting."
The man reads through all the issues and sets about revising the work again. He finishes the draft and mails it back to the magazine. Three months later, he receives a check for $250.00 and a letter from the editor that reads, "Dear Mr. Smith, we at Reader's Digest offer our congratulations on the publication of your story, I Fucked a Gazelle for the FBI and Found God."
A panhandler on Broadway approaches a well-dressed man on his way out of the theater and asks for some spare change. The patron shakes his head and replies, "Neither a borrower nor a lender be: William Shakespeare."
The bum shrugs and says "All right. Up yours, cocksucker: David Mamet."
So, this pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch.
The bartender, being an observant guy, says, "Do you know you've got a steering wheel attached to your crotch?"
"Arrrr," replies the pirate. "It's drivin' me nuts."
A little boy is out trick-or-treating by himself one Halloween dressed as a pirate. He rings the doorbell at the first house he visits, and an older lady opens the door.
"Why, what an adorable pirate!"she exclaims, reaching for some candy. "But where are your buccaneers?"
The boy looks puzzled for a moment, then responds, "Right under my buckin' hat, ma'am."
This guy walks into a bar. When the bartender asks him what he wants to drink, the guy orders and then asks, "Are you a betting man?"
"Occasionally," says the bartender.
"I've got a betting game for you. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars. You ask me a question and I don't know it, I'll pay you five bucks."
"Doesn't sound like much of a bet, friend."
"Okay," the guy says, "if you don't know an answer, you pay me $5, but if I don't know an answer, I pay you $20."
The bartender shrugs and says, "Okay. But I go first."
"Fire away," says the guy.
The bartender asks,"What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The guy thinks for a while, then finally says, "I don't know. Here's your 20 bucks."
"Thanks." The bartender starts washing glasses quietly. The guy waits for a couple of minutes and says, "Well? What's the answer?"
The bartender shrugs and hands the guy a five dollar bill.
So, Paddy and Murphy are coming in to land at Dublin Airport. Paddy turns to Murphy and says "Now den Murphy let's go through d'checklist. When we hit d'ground o'ill put full reverse trust on, you stand on d'brakes, we both scream, "shit" and pray like fook to Mother Mary".
"Right den Paddy," says Murphy. So the plane touches down, Murphy slams the engine in reverse, Paddy stands on the brakes, they both scream "Shit!" and start praying like mad. When the plane stops, Paddy looks out of the front and says, "Dats de shortest fooking runway in d'world".
"Yes," says Murphy looking out of the side windows. "And look how fooking wide it is!"
A kilted Scotsman is walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a local pub. Feeling quite sleepy, he decides to nap against a tree.
As he sleeps, two female tourists passing by hear his loud snoring. When they find him, one says, "You know what they say about Scotsmen? Let's find out if he's wearing anything under that kilt!"
She boldly walks over to him, raises his kilt, and sees that he is wearing nothing at all. Her friend says, "Well, the mystery is solved! I think we ought to leave him a little memento, don't you?" With that, the lady undoes the blue ribbon in her hair and gently ties it around the Scotsman's manhood. The two chuckling tourists depart.
A while later, the Scotsman is awakened by the call of nature. He raises his kilt and is bewildered at the sight of the neatly tied blue ribbon. After gawking for a minute, he says, "Laddie, I don't know where y'been...but I'm glad you took first prize!"
Ol' farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him.
"Say, Chris, how ya doing? How's the tractor selling business these days?"
If Chris had looked sad before, at the mention of tractor sales, his face sank even more, and a tear came to his eye. "John," he said, shaking his head, "I don't know what it is. I can't sell a tractor these days to save my life. I'll tell you, I just gotta sell one tractor, and soon, or else I'll lose that dealership for good."
"Well," John said, taking the barstool next to him, "If you think you got it bad, I got it worse. Now you listen to this:
"I went out to the barn the other morning to milk Bessy. That ol' cow gets more ornery as the years go by. Anyway, no sooner did I sit down on the milking stool and get to work, but ol' Bes starts a slappin' me with her tail. After a minute or so, I got fed up with it, so I threw a rope up over the rafters, and tied ol' Bessy's tail out of the way. Then I got back to work.
"I didn't even get two squirts into the bucket, when Bes gives me a kick. Knocked me clean off the stool! Boy, if that didn't piss me off! So I get me another rope an' tie Bessy's right hind leg to the side of the milking stall, and get a started trying to milk her again.
"Well by this time, Bessy's about livid, and she doesn't want any part of it, so she let's me have it with her other hind leg. I wasn't about to give in to this ol' cow, so I got me yet another piece ah rope and tied up Bessy's left leg to the side of the stall."
Just then John paused to take sip his beer. Chris, distracted for a moment from his own troubles, asked John, "Well, did you finally get to milk her?"
"Well, yes and no, Chris. But I'll tell ya what...if you can convince my wife that I was out there to MILK that cow, I'll BUY a tractor from you!"
A farm boy accidentally overturns his wagonload of wheat on the road. The farmer that lives nearby comes to investigate. "Hey, Willis," he calls out, "forget your troubles for a while and come and have dinner with us. Then I'll help you overturn the wagon."
"That's awful nice of you," Willis answers, "but I don't think Dad would like me to."
"Aw, come on, son!" the farmer insists.
"Well, okay," the boy finally agrees, "but Dad won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanks the farmer. "That was some nice dinner, but I just know Dad's going to be real upset."
"Don't be silly!" says the neighbor. "By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon," replies Willis.
There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, his cabin boy asked him about it.
"It's in case I get shot. I don't want me crew to see me blood and panic."
At that moment, the lookout called down from the crow's nest. "Captain, we've got eight men o' war to starboard on the horizon!"
"Ar, boy," the captain said, "Fetch me brown pants."
Giovanni, recent Italian immigrant to America, is trying to meet the ladies, so he jumps at the chance to sign up for a social dance mixer at his church. He wants to make a good impression, so he buys a nice suit and the spiffiest patent leather shoes he can find. He's so proud of his shoes that he polishes them every night before going to bed. When the night of the dance comes, he puts on his suit and his brand new shoes and heads over to the church. The first person he asks to dance is Carmela.
As he and and Carmela are dancing, Giovanni says, "Hey, Carmela, are you wearing white panties by any chance?"
Carmela says, "Si, Giovanni, how do you know that?"
"Because I can see them under your skirt in my new patent leather shoes."
Giovanni then catches the eye of Sabrina, who he asks to dance. As Giovanni looks down, he says, "Hey, Sabrina, are you wearing red panties by any chance?"
Sabrina says, "Si, Giovanni, how do you know that?"
"Because I can see them under your skirt in my new patent leather shoes."
Giovanni finishes dancing with her and then sees Francesca standing by the wall. Giovanni introduces himself and asks her to dance. On the dance floor, he frowns and asks, "Hey, Francesca, I gotta know something. Are you wearing any panties?"
Francesca smiles and says, "No, Giovanni, I'm not wearing any panties."
"Oh, ringrazi Il Dio," says Giovanni. "I thought I'd scuffed my new patent leather shoes."
The Italian campaign of WWII is going badly, and the Germans are retreating up the Italian peninsula. Now that the Italians have switched sides, the Germans start digging in and fighting them, eventually reaching a stalemate as both sides hunker down in their foxholes. The German commanders come up with a plan; they figure that since "Luigi" is a pretty common Italian name, they will call it out and see if anyone pops up from their foxhole, then shoot them when they appear.
So the Germans call across the lines one day, "Hey, Luigi!"
One of the Italian soldiers pops his head up and says, "Si?" BANG! A German sniper shoots him dead.
This goes on for a couple of weeks. Finally, the Italian commander tells his troops that they will use the same tactic. Since "Hans" is a common German name, they will call that out and shoot any German that pokes his head up.
So the Italians call out across the lines the next day, "Hey, Hans!"
There is no answer. The Italians try again, "Hey, Hans!"
"Is that you, Luigi?"
"Si!"
BANG!
Two tourists are driving through Louisiana. As they're approaching Natchitoches, they start arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They're still arguing back and forth when they stop for lunch. As they're standing at the counter, one tourist asks the employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are...very slowly?"
The girl leans over the counter and says, "Burrr, gerrr, Kiiing."
A woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks the artist to do a tattoo of Robert Redford on the inside of her right thigh and one of Paul Newman on the inside of each left.
The artist agrees, and after a couple hours of work, asks the woman to take a look. She sits up and cries, "Hey. that doesn't look like either one of them!"
The artist disagrees, and runs out onto the street to find someone else to weigh in on the resemblance. "You," he calls out to a drunk on the corner. "Come here. I need your opinion on something."
The drunk shrugs and walks into the shop. The artist points to the woman's naked groin and asks, "Do you recognize these two faces?"
The drunk leans close, squints a little and replies, "I don't know who those two guys are, man, but that dude in the middle is definitely Willie Nelson!"
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are on a camping trip. As they're turning in for the night, Holmes says, "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replies, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"And what does that tell you?"
Watson thinks for a moment and says, "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and we are insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes replies, "Watson, you nincompoop, it tells me that someone has stolen our tent!"
A young man asks an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingers his expensive wool vest and says, "Well, my boy, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $9.80.
"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
A recent MBA graduate was on vacation in Florida, walking near a pier when a young fisherman docked his small boat. The fisherman unloaded an armful of large fish. Complimenting the fisherman on the quality of his catch, the graduate asked how long he'd been out on the water.
"Not long," the fisherman replied with a smile. "I can catch what I need in a couple of hours or so."
"Why didn't you stay out a little longer and catch more fish?" the graduate asked.
"I don't need to catch more fish."
The graduate asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"Oh, I sleep late, fish a little, maybe take a nap in the afternoon with the wife. In the evenings, we go into town and grab some food and drink with our friends. It's a pretty full and busy life, if you think about it."
The graduate shook his head, "Listen, I've got an MBA from Harvard, and I could really help you. You should spend more time fishing; with the proceeds, you buy a bigger boat. Once the bigger boat is showing a profit with the increased catches, you buy more boats. Eventually, you've got yourself a fleet. Then, instead of selling your catch to a middleman, you sell directly to the processor. With the expanded revenue stream and realized savings, you open your own cannery. At that point, you'd control the product, processing, and distribution. As the business grows, you move to a major center like New York City where you can better leverage the supply chain."
The fisherman scratches his chin and asks, "So, how long do you figure this will all take?"
"20, maybe 25 years."
"Okay, so I spend the next couple of decades building this as a business. Then what?"
The graduate laughs. "When the time was right, you'd announce an IPO, sell your company stock to the public, and make millions."
"You don't say? Okay, what then?"
"Well, then you'd retire. Move to Florida where you could sleep late, fish a little, maybe take a nap in the afternoon with the wife. In the evenings, the two of you could go into town and grab some food and drink with your friends. It'll be great!"